Night time is the worst

This bed, this room makes me think of you. Most of the time when I think of you it is fondly, all good memories, my heart is still filled with love for you. Then night time rolls around. I am alone in this room, in this bed and I start to think. I start to miss cuddling, miss the mind blowing sexual connection we had. I miss saying "I don't know what I would do without you" and you always responding "you never have too". I miss watching you sleep, holding and kissing you.
I miss being naked around you every time we were alone. That I felt most comfortable with you when I was naked and had no make up on. That I would wash your hair in the shower. The back massages you would give me that relaxed me so much I could easily fall asleep.

I know it will take a long time to stop missing you. You were my first love and I honestly believed I would spend my life with you.

2 years I spent with you. You still have my heart. I bought a new mattress today and the guy put his phone number on my receipt. I didn't even realize he was flirting with me. It was flattering I guess but the only reason I didn't throw it out was because I need that receipt.

I don't want to go out on dates. I don't want to meet somebody else. I do not ever want to go on a dating site.

I know right now I have to be alone. I have to be just me, On my own. I can't fathom the idea of liking someone let alone loving someone other than you.

I don't feel like I have anyone that can relate to this situation.

I feel like you are the only person who understands how this feels. How I feel.
I hate the idea of never hearing your voice again, never seeing your face.
Yet I am so scared to see it. Because I know I won't be able to stay away.

I bought myself a new amazingly comfortable queen size mattress today.
I start training for my new job December 15th,
My sister and I are looking at gyms on Monday.

Things are still getting better.
I am happy. I am enjoying my life. I am still sad but I am happy.