Feeling better

It's been 6 weeks. I have been single for 6 weeks. I haven't heard from you, seen you and it's so strange. My life keeps moving forward. I have been training at my new job for three days and I am really eager to get started on my own. I know it is going to be really good for me, it already is.
I feel like I am going to be okay.
The longer I am away from you the more I am seeing things needed to change and I don't see how else they could of.

I still miss you. I still wish and hope that I will get a chance to talk to you.
The more time that passes the less hope I have that it will happen.
I don't know if you will talk to me.
And I accept that I do not have control over anything except myself.

All I can do is write what I think and feel and find a way to get it to you. Whether you read it or respond is entirely up to you. I know that. It is hard but you deserve the right to your own opinions and feelings and if you wish to never speak to me again I will respect that.

Alec,

I don't know if you are going to read this letter or not, I am hoping you will though. I have a few things I need to say and what you decide to do after you read this is up to you.

I want you to know I am sorry things ended so badly. I never wanted this and I wish it could be different. I have spent the past two years of my life with you and I am so grateful I had that. You changed my life. Who I was two years ago and who I am now is very different and your love helped change so much of that.  Because of your belief in my intelligence I stopped thinking I was stupid, started to have some confidence in the knowledge I have and what I am capable of. You never let me think I was stupid, you constantly praised me and made me see my potential and what I could be if I really applied myself. Because of your love I look at myself differently. I see a beautiful girl when I look into the mirror because of you. I was an insecure and self conscious person before I met you, but everyday you sent love my way. You made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. You made me feel like no one compared to me, The way you looked at me melted my heart. I felt the most comfortable with you laying in bed with no make up on and naked, when you could see all my flaws, and you just loved me more. You gave me confidence to be a better person, you challenged me in ways no one else ever has. You didn't accept me half assing life, you made me see what can happen when you put 100% into what you do, you made me see how much peace and joy honesty can bring to your life.
You made me see how sobriety could save my life. You stood by me when no one else did.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I don't want that night to be how our story ends. 

I would like you to still be apart of my life, I would like to figure out a way to make that work.

I have not spoken to you in 3 months, I have not heard from you and I do not know what you are thinking/feeling/ how you are doing. 

I think about you everyday, I send you my love. I miss you everyday. I miss my best friend, I miss my confidant, I miss my lover, I miss you so much.
I hope that when you think of us you can see that even though we had problems there was so much good. There was love, laughter, passion, beautiful memories that we got to experience together.

You are truly the most beautiful person I have ever known.  I see you, I see how driven and brilliant you are and I know what you are capable of, I believe in you 100% and I hope you finally believe in yourself because you are too amazing not too. 
You came into my life and awoke something inside of me I didn't know existed. You lit a fire inside me filling me with passion to change my life and be a better person.
You opened my eyes to the world. I need you to know that. I need you to know you are good, you are one of the smartest, most creative and loving people ever. Simple things like listening to you speak, working on cars with you, learning from you or just experiencing the world with you are memories I will hold in my heart and cherish forever..I need you to know that you are so strong, that isn't my opinion it is a fact..You have faced so many unfair and horrifying obstacles in your life and you always find a way to come out on top and survive. I don't want you to just survive anymore, I want you to live the best life possible.

I don't know if that life can involve me, I would like to think it can. I don't know if it is possible but I would like to try. I believe that if two people really want something they can make it happen. That if people take the time to better themselves that they can change, that something dysfunctional can be turned around and made into something safe, strong and beautiful.But both have to want it.

 I have no idea what you are thinking and what you feel, although I am hoping for a chance to be in each others lives again, I understand you may not feel the same way.

If I cannot be apart of your life, if you do not wish to talk to me anymore I would like to ask you please to meet with me one last time.
I would like a chance to end things on a better note, to have closure, to give you back the things you left at my house. A chance to really say goodbye if this has to be the end. End our two year relationship with kindness and love, and let each other go so we can move on.
All I can do is ask for that chance, but if you do not want that I will respect whatever you decide.

My phone number, email and Facebook have not changed.
You know how I feel and what I would like, what happens next is entirely up to you.

I love you, always and forever,
your boo.