A weight has been lifted from my chest. The pit in my stomach is gone. Knowing someone loves you and cares about you changes everything.
I am nervous still because I realize everything is so different and everything will be like this for a while.
But I am okay. I am okay. I feel good. I feel like I can stop worrying about this and obsessing about this because I couldn't stop. I could not stop. And now it's okay. Now I know the answer. Now I know that everything will be okay, that no matter what happens next the ending is happy. The ending was changed. Things are going to be different and are different for the better.
Living a healthy life is the only choice I have. I want to be the best version of myself and I have changed so much already. Distance to make me see and understand the things I didn't want to before. Letting someone go doesn't mean you lose them forever. Holding onto something dysfunctional is not okay. You have to let go and focus on you, once you have you down the rest will fall into place.

My heart is filled with love. I have someone who loves me equally back, Equal love and acceptance and understanding. The timing isn't right, and it will not be for a very very long time, but it's worth the wait no matter what happens. No matter what.
Everything is going to be okay,
You do not have to talk to someone 24/7 and see them in all your free time and know everything they are doing all the time. It isn't sane, normal or healthy. You have to just live your life and let the pieces fall where they may.
I know I am going to be okay. I know you are going to be okay.
My heart changed when I met you, it changed it a way that I have no control over.
No matter what happens it loves you so deeply and so passionately.
I cannot let another into my heart the way you have entered mine, There just is not enough room for someone else in that way. I don't see others that way. I don't know how too.
Could I try and force myself? Yes I probably could, but it wouldn't be natural or real and I would just end up hating myself and for the first time I do not hate myself and I want to keep heading in this direction of self love.

I'm listening to Boyce Aveunes cover of Roar with Bea Miller.
I always think of you.
I am so proud of you
I love you.
and I love me too.