Today was the first day I smiled. Two girls I work with invited me over to paint with them. vick got a town home with her boyfriend and in the second bedroom they wanted a mural/friends to paint on the wall. I talked to jamie, vick and Jess (vick best friend) they really helped me see how unhealthy mine and Alec's relationship became. They listened, gave advice, made me finally feel like I wasn't alone. I do miss him so much. I listened to the first voice mail he left me from new years 2013 he was so different. He was happy, excited. That's who I fell in love with. I wish he was still that guy. I hope and pray I can get that guy back someday. I hope I get a chance to talk to him, get real closure. I miss him being close to me, I miss the sex, I miss the way he made me laugh and feel do beautiful.
The pictures, one is of the mural and one is of my part of the mural. It helped me so much today. Girls day, art, painting. I finally have a little glimpse of feeling good. It was nice. I feel like I am going to be okay.
I hope someday I get a chance to talk to him. I hope I get that chance.
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