I drove in your neighborhood. It was instinctive. I just started driving and I was down the street 10 houses away from you. I saw the TT and the cougar in the driveway. I don't know if you were there. If you were I guess you were probably there sleeping, or maybe you were in a treatment center.
It's been exactly a week.
I'm struggling today.
I got a flu shot, finished work for all the credit cards, medical paperwork for my new job. I couldn't sleep last night. I was up until 5 am. I kept seeing you every time I closed my eyes. I kept reaching over and grabbing for you. I know in my gut you tried to call me from jail the first day you were there. I missed them. I don't know what you wanted to say. I have an order of protection until December 5th and I don't want it to continue. I want to see you so badly. I want to talk to you, I want to know how you are. I miss you so much. I wonder if anyone is reading this. People probably think what is wrong with you, he hurt you. He wasn't stable. He isn't always like that. I used to drink until I blacked out. Beat him, Verbally abuse him, cheater on him. His life has been insane. Every bad thing that could ever happen to a person happened to him, time and time again. He needs help, love, stability. I want to be the one still that helps him. I know I can't. I won.t try but I'll never stop thinking about it
I can't imagine a life without you. I don't want to imagine a life without you. I picture myself as tour wife, us having babies, supporting each others careers. I know I am not delusional, I know it can be a reality, I just wonder if you feel the same way.
December 5th. December 9th. I wonder if I get to see you. I wonder if I get to talk to you. I hope your dad isn't in crazy lawyer mode and keeps us so far apart that I don't get a chance to say I'm sorry and I love you.
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