I miss him so much

I miss him so much it hurts. It hits me in waves, the worst in the evening. Night time was our time together. We watched netflux, talked about our days, planned the future. I can't stand to be in this room. I am all alone. I had plans and dreams of a life with him and now it's all gone. I hate this room, this bed without him. This was our space and now it's gone. I wish I could make this right. Well actually I don't know if I could, I just hate that I had a life time of plans and dreams and Now they are gone. Why did it have to end so badly? I still have paperwork to fill out snd write my side of the story. I don't want this to be happening. I have no control. It'd supposed to be in my control but it isnt. There is an investigation and a judge will decide everything. I just miss my boo. I miss his smile and us popping pimples. Getting fast food late at night. Showering together. Promising to be with each other for ever. I'd say I don't know what I would do without you and he would say you never have too. We would say we couldn't wait to marry each other, that I never wanted to be naked for anyone but him. That I was the girl of his fantasies and that no one could make him feel the way I do. I don't know how to live a happy life without him. I keep watching criminal minds because it's the only show I have been watching without him. I can't watch sons of anarchy or the killing because it was what we watched together.

I just wish I had my partner back.
Everything is so hard and I just wish I could hug him and cry in his arms.

I hate my life without him.
I am trying. I am going to move forward.
I just hope this isn't the end. I hope that
After the court business is over I hope I get a chance to talk to him. I just don't want our last conversation to be him standing over my bed telling me I ruined everything, that I am the worst thing that has ever happened to him and that he hates me. His sister in law read my messages and never responded. I know my connection with his family is over. I just hope something can be changed. I just don't want 2 years to end like this...