I can't sleep

Not the way I used too. Last night was the longest I slept through the night, 1 am to 5:30. I woke up having a dream about us. We were in a motel killing ourselves together. We were giving each other different pills. The room was a mess and I kept thinking I should be scared, I should want my stomach pumped. I don't know if I called 911 but I started thinking I have to trick him and get his stomach pumped and I kept hoping there was a way I could be unconscious while mine was being pumped. Then I woke up at 5:30. I've been trying to fall back asleep for 2 hours but I can't. I work both jobs today, I'm scared I'm going to be a mess.
I miss you so much. I miss talking you and cuddling with you. I hate this bed, I hate this room and I hate Night time without you. I wonder where you are, what you're doing, how you are feeling, how you feel about me. Legally I keep making your life worse. I don't want to make it worse. I just want too see you and hear your voice. I want you to know how often I think of you and how much I love you.
I don't know how too function right now. My body can't get it together. I'm exhausted and can never sleep more than a few hours. I take my klonopin and I have even added melatonin but nothing works. I don't feel safe, I feel so alone. I miss my other half so much. I miss you so much. It's not getting easier. I have so much anxiety about the court dates, seeing you, all the uncertainty. I fucking hate this. I hate this so much